Relationships- A Matter of Convenience or a Matter of Commitment??

People come.. People go.. He comes.. He goes.. She comes.. She goes.. I wonder if anything or anybody is for keeps... It is not typical of anybody to dissect the relationship with friends, what they mean, why they crossed our lives, why some are no longer as strong as they used to be and why some still pass the rigorous test of time... It is not typical of me to do it either and probably thats why writing this article was kinda eccentric..

The inspiration for this article comes from "How I met your mother"... TOW they celebrate 'Slaps'giving... Ted points out to Robin the fact that they are just pretending to be (and are not actually) great friends because it would be inconvenient not to...  Rings a bell??... Honestly, how many of us have been friends with someone just because it is convenient in being so... As in, being friends with someone who regularly commutes with you... Being friends with someone sitting next to you in a random class... It could be possible to map many such relationships' root cause of existence to some source of selfish convenience... Modern day relationships are complex, have a fuzzy nature and often come with 'conditions apply'... Convenience can camouflage well within the friendship transfigurine...  Such a friendship will blossom, will grow, may evolve into one with commitment and may even last a lifetime... But also in many cases, the friendship lingers on only until there is enough common ground between the two involved parties...  Then it slowly dilutes into a hi- bye kinda relationship, the conversations get heavy, the relationship which once had so much to share has nothing much in common and nothing more to say...

So now, what does friendship with commitment mean, does it mean that when you commute with someone, you pledge them, your undying, unadulterated friendship for the rest of your life... Most certainly not... It does not work that way.. From personal experience, I can declare that most friendships start with convenience, but it is upto those involved to metamorphose it into one with commitment... This need to change something ordinary into something beautiful is felt with time, with situation, with instinct and with effort... Time because you need time to see if someone thinks on a similar wavelength in some level of the thought spectrum... Situation because you need opportunities to see what/ who someone is... Instincts because they are most usually right (though we may refuse to trust them at times)... Effort because every relationship needs some working upon... If all click well, commitment dawns upon the friendship.

Friends...

So most relationships are invoked as convenient acquaintances and are tested along many dimensions and if all clear, evolve into beautiful relationships with consummate commitment... {I say, most relationships because I do not know if love works that way, after all love is said to be blind..}.. Anyways how often do we convert our acquaintances?? 5%?? at the max 10% of the times... Thats why we only have very few people whom we let inside our comfort zone and provide unlimited access to our deepest worlds... So if only 5% really mean anything at all, then what were the rest 95% doing in our lives?? Why did they even feature in this big canvas of life??

Everything that happens, happens for a reason... All those cameos were included in the script for a reason... All those doomed friendships which we conveniently started were conveniently let go because their presence was no longer required in the running of the show.. Their parts were played and now their role is over... Some came to teach a lesson, some came to tell something, some came to inspire, some came to make us laugh, some came to show us a side of us we never knew of before and some came to help us discover something/ someone we have been long searching for... You will have to let go of these cameos when the time comes... Though their memories will probably stay, their departures may not ache...

The aching and the hurting part comes from those strong committed relationships which weakens not withstanding the test of time... It is for such friendships that we instinctively refuse to let go and try to hold on desperately...  Dont blame yourself for this weak link, you may or may not be responsible for it.. As I have noticed, people start disengaging when they start prioritizing someone/ something else above you... Common ground is no longer an issue, because commitment previously existed.... The only absolute reason could be when you move down in line in someone's list of priorities that you slowly start to lose them... lose access to spend their time... As in: There is a common notion that committed friendship between girls with no common ground slowly dies after marriage... No idea if its true though...

So if you have lost someone, trust me they are done, keep in mind what they came for and bury the rest to the past... If you still have someone, cherish them, they still have a role to play in your life... If you anticipate someone's arrival, just reach out, they are on their way...

Dedicated to the Unknown Someone who inspires me to blog...